It Couldn't Have Been Different

"You are allowed to release the negativity of the past while keeping and benefiting from the lessons you couldn't have learned any other way." - me

I have often berated myself for not knowing better. The pattern is an old familiar one. Chaos gives way to crisis and, through that crisis lessons are learned, growth is attained, fresh greenery emerges from the blackened ruin and in the midst of it all is the nagging feeling I should have been able to stop this metaphorical forest fire. A different choice could have changed everything, could have stopped the destruction, could have saved friendships and avoided heartbreak. I should have known better.

Except, that's not entirely true. That nagging voice telling you that calamity could have been avoided "if only you had been, done, said.. differently." That voice is wishful, and wistful - and we often use that voice to shame ourselves for not making a different decision that would have created the ideal outcome - the one we hoped for and wish for now.

Here's the truth - the version you are NOW might have made a different choice and the outcome may (or may not) have been the one you so crave. But the version of you that went through that fire was not equipped to stop the chaos. It was the fire that created the circumstances for you to be refined, to grow, to purge the pieces of you that no longer benfitted you. You survived. You are still here. Here to make better, different, more life affirming choices now. Stop mourning what you couldn't do before and celebrate the life force that you are now. If you are healthy and continue to grow, this pattern will repeat itsef until your dying breath. It is the cycle of the thriving.